31 May 2008 - Day 69

It sure was an eventful day. I had some time alone with Jordan, which was awesome. We went rollerskating and then to the mall. It seems as though we spent a lot of the day running around, but we had a great time. I got the yard almost mowed. I couldn't finish because we got some much rain. I am looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow. I sure hope the kids are on that schedule too.

How ironic the book that Jordan chose to read tonight was a history book her teacher gave her. The book featured a few different cities throughout the country. And of course, I managed to stumble upon Santa Fe, New Mexico. Jordan thought it was soooo cool that I was just there visiting. She said, "when do I get to go there, Mom." How interesting. She thinks the mountains are awesome. Funny, so does her mom. =)

I can't wait to get back to that beautiful state and explore some more. Let the adventures begin...

M=since church really battling the headache
E=happy
P=guilty (other than rollerskating & mowing, nothing eltse today); although I am determined to kiss ass next week!
S=disconnected...but also determined to change that next week too!

Best of luck in the 50 miler tomorrow...I love you! xoxox

30 May 2008 - Day 68

For some reason, although I was very busy at the office today, I just couldn't seem to stay focused. I had lots of other things on my mind...so easily distracted. However, I did have a pretty fun time actually messing around with Vic this afternoon picking paint colors for his friend's house. (How interesting...actually doing something I am "qualified" to do.) Maybe that was my message for the day. Maybe I should start re-focusing on what it is that Dawn enjoys...not just going through the motions. I seem to kinda steer away from change, but there is someone who really helps me open my eyes to a fresh new world of choices/opportunities. So I will stop and listen to the world of opportunties around me, and become more aware of those choices that seem to demand my attention.

M=distracted
E=happy
P=fighting symptoms
S=seeking direction

29 May 2008 - Day 67

This morning started pretty rough...not feeling very good. For a while, I thought I was going to have to head home to take a nap, but lunch really cheered up my spirits. I had lunch at Casa's with Jackie and Robyn. Man, I love her! She really cracks me up. Although I am a little jealous that her divorce is going to be wrapped up before mine, I am very glad that she is seeking personal happiness. She really deserves it. She is an incredible friend. One of those friends that you can always pick right up where you left off...hard to find...a real treasure!

So other than the terrible persistant headache that kept trying to slow me down, I had a pretty cool day. Very busy again at the office, but made some pretty good progress. I don't think that we are going to make our deadline tomorrow, but that is definitely not due to me. Ron is thoroughly behind on redlines again....or should I say, still? Anyway, looking forward to some mommy/daughter time on Saturday morning; planning a trip to the roller dome. I am certain I enjoy it as much as she does.

Time to rest up in hopes that this is not the onset of any mysterious virus, but just a minor cold.

M=too hard to answer with this damn headache
E=happy
P=little fatigued
S=disconnected, but determined to refocus

28 May 2008 - Day 66

So here comes the short version...since I am a little behind in my responsibilities for the day, and a little stressed out by all that is still left on my plate for the evening. Work was great; very busy, just the way I like it. I am being pulled in many directions, which can be a little overwhelming, but all in good timing, since I am really starting to stress a little about money. So the extra work is perfect! This morning we were actually on time for school and work. Which really helped start things off well. Still getting a little re-adjusted to my routine, but determined to get back in the groove of meditation.

Evening got a little complicated, but nothing unlike what I am used to. Had fun with the kids, went to Petland to check out the doggies, and had some outdoor fun...well, until Jordan came crashing down. But all is good, other than the beginning of scraped summer knees and elbows.

Still so much to do, including my workout, so better run.

M=a little stressed
E=Happy in love
P=Strong
S=out of touch

27 May 2008 - Day 65

Today was a day of traveling, but for some reason, with each trip it seems as though I am always ending up in the wrong place. Today was definitely no exception. I had an incredible weekend with Dave. Friday we went to the Elephant Bar, had a fantastic dinner with cocktails. Saturday he made me breakfast, (I burnt the bacon, in turn, making a special treat for Tung), he took me up the mountain on the world's longest tram, went to Flying Star for lunch, cuddled for a long nap in the world's most comfortable bed, went desert exploring in the FJ, snuggled in bed and watched "Off the Map" on the laptop. Sunday we went to St. Clair Winery for brunch, took the scenic drive up to Santa Fe, stopped at Madrid along the way, ate at a wonderful outdoor restaurant called Cafe Paris, ate dinner with mom and dad, he took me on a date to the theatre to see Indiana Jones. Monday we went pet food and grocery shopping, then he convinced me to take the lift up to the top of Sandia Peak (10,000+feet) and mountain bike down...for the first time ever, mind you. It was awesome, especially after I got over my green-ness. Dave is an excellent coach. Once I learned quickly from my early mistake of not keeping my pedals even when riding over rocks, all was good. Then we rushed back to the house for a Memorial Day cookout with the neighbors. Then after chatting with mom and dad, saying our good-byes, we went to bed to snuggle.

Now that brings me back to today...the return. And for what? That is the question. It is certainly getting harder and harder with each visit to head in the opposite direction. All I can do is look forward to the next one. So until the next one, I hope time moves quickly and smoothly. Thanks for an incredible weekend. You are truly phenomenal! I love you!
xoxox

21 May 2008 - Day 59

I am so completely excited about this weekend, I can hardly stay focused enough to blog. I had a pretty busy day. Between finishing all my project assignments for Vera Bradley and NRP Financial, I didn't have much time to sit still. Which considering how easily distracted I can get by my Davy, that is probably a really good thing that I was that busy. It definitely helped the day go by quickly. So work was good, love to be busy. Then got the dreaded email from the attorney. Of course, just as I expected, nothing with asshat can go smoothly. I can't believe the nerve he has, but I guess when I really think about it, I didn't expect otherwise. So on we go to mediation, then we will see where this path leads. All I can say is I sure hope this lesson can be learned soon, because I am getting very tired of dealing with his shit. But most importantly, I know what I have found is well werth any obstacle. To find true love once is amazing; to find it twice is nothing short of destiny. I would travel through all of it again for you, Dave. I love you!

M=Distracted =)
E=Excited!!!
P=Strong
S=Seeking

20 May 2008 - Day 58

It has been a pretty crazy day, but a good day. I was super busy at work, which is making me a little nuts by all the disorganization, but I guess busy is much better than slow. I have a ton to finish before I can relax and get packed for the weekend. My to-do list is growing by the minute. So as I sit here, finally, after working all day, then a long work-out at the gym, and mowing the yard. Now on to the multi-tasking as usual...typing my blog, while eating my salad. =)

Shit! I shouldn't have mentioned the weekend, because now I can't seem to stay focused at all...hehehe.

Anyway, I still have to run to Leigh Ann's to sort the garage sale earnings, which will be good to have the cash for the weekend, so I better get on with it. Man, I did it again...weekend, weekend, weekend...can you tell I am a little excited? Mostly because I get to see my Davy, and knowing that he is feeling sooooo much better really makes me happy. I can't wait! See you soon.

M=Sharp
E=Excited!
P=Strong, feel good.
S=Seeking

19 May 2008 - Day 57

It is hard to believe how crazy things have been, that I have gotten so far off track. Just dish out my punishment now. I am very determined to change my body for life, so I do realize through the chaos of life, sometimes things happen that get us "off-track." So with that in mind, I am pulling for my body to get back on-track. I am committed to making a change for me and my kids. Every day I see all the choices that are out there, and hoping that I am the "right" example of the healthy choice that my kids will learn to emulate.

So today, I choose to be healthy. No longer punishing myself for what happened last week or making excuses, but looking forward to making healthy choices that are werth copying. =)

So even though I am feeling a little worn out and not completely 100%, I am blogging and getting ready to do some workout videos. I have made the commitment to workout with Jen, both Tuesday and Wednesday after work. Things are in line for improvement. Looking forward to a wonderful weekend in Albuquerque. =)

M=focused
E=excited for the weekend
P=tired but driven
S=seeking change

16 May 2008 - Day 54

Jeez, I have to be honest...I have lost track of days, journaling, meditation, the whole nine yards. I have been so preoccupied this week with all kinds of things, especially Dave. I know that is no excuse. I need to totally bust my ass to get back into the groove. This week I have worked out only twice, and not eaten as well. I vow to get back on track right now. Tomorrow is a new day and I have to do this all for me.

I feel so much better about life, have more energy, and more self-confidence when I am in my rhythm.

I have to be honest, it has been eating me alive to hear all the pain Dave is in, and not being close enough to help. I can't stand it one bit! I can't stop thinking about him. It is making me crazy! Only one week until I get to visit him in Albuquerque...I can't wait!

M=Preoccupied
E=Concerned
P=Tired, lacking energy
S=Disconnected

12 May 2008 - Day 50

What an unbelievable night!

The day starts by oversleeping this morning, then rushing out the door, off to school/sitter/work. Work went fine. I got a lot accomplished, but seemed to struggle to stay awake. (Can't imagine why I am so tired...hehehe.) After work, I pick up the monkeys and head to the park to unwind and play. We had a great time. Then by the time we got home, it was rush time again to get them dinner, finish homework, packed, showered, and off to bed.

Then I finally get the chance to "relax" and make a wrap for dinner. So just as I have a quick minute to start up the computer, I see that Dave is online and we started chatting. Then the craziness follows...I get a call from Chris asking if I have a minute to talk. I say...no, very busy. He ignores that and continues to tell me that his reason for calling is to give me the "heads up" that his whore bitch is suing me and Robert for distributing her pictures. HA...ME. What a fucking joke. This is the craziest shit ever! So now I am curious to hear what the hell is going on. He continues to sound desperate that he is trying everything to get her to drop it, but that she has hired a "ruthless attorney with no morals." In fact, this ruthless attorney is now contacting Chris to get him to fire Perry and hire him to finish our divorce case. Chris explains he doesn't want anything to get ugly. That he is trying to make this go away. That he is a "changed man" with christian morals and wouldn't even consider using this attorney. In fact, he continues to spew out of his mouth that he knows that we are never going to get back together, that he is so sorry, blah, blah, blah, but he still wants to sit down and talk with me (not try to win me back) about what happened. Tell me how he has changed over the last 2 months. What a fucking laugh!!!

Sometimes I can do nothing other than laugh at the thought of all this shit. What a crazy fucking bitch to think she can sue me...and for what? Sharing the pics she consented to taking and consenting to share with Robert. What an idiot! I can't wait to see where this one goes. Well, better email my attorney with this one.

Just had a thought...this one will sure be interesting to explain to Jordan some day...how her daddy's girlfriend sued her mommy for sharing the pics that daddy took of her with his dick in her mouth and consented to share with their 3way lover. HAHAHAHA!

M=can't stop shaking my head...the brilliance of some people...HA!
E=hysterical
P=tired
S=disconnected

11 May 2008 - Day 49

Wow! What an incredible last few days. Dave came to visit me on Thursday. Although things didn't exactly start off perfectly, I was so happy to have him right beside me. Between all of the sudden being completely swamped at the office, having to work late, and going home with a sick kid with a high fever...not exactly what I had in mind when I first got to see him. But somehow, we always seem to have fun regardless of where we are or what we are doing.

Friday, I had to be up early, have 2 kids off to school and sitter and be into work earlier than usual, and have the house ready for another showing...wow! We made it without any problems. Then the only hard part after that, was staying awake at work, and getting the rest of the work done quick enough that we could leave and be alone. I was a little antsy! =) Then we had enough time to enjoy each other, before heading to the gym for a workout, then off to dinner at Casa's. Then for the highlight of the evening...Rascal Flatts. They were absolutely phenomenal! From there we met up with Robyn and friends at Uptown, then somehow got sidetracked on the way to catch up with Jamie, by stopping to visit a church parking lot. Wouldn't Mom be proud?
What a night!

Saturday, we got a slow moving start. It is very hard to get up and moving with Dave in my bed. Even though the bed itself is shitty and uncomfortable, I just can't seem to get enough of the snuggling and spooning. I made us breakfast, then we headed outside to tackle the yardwork. Then we went for a 7 mile ride on the river greenway trails. That was awesome. Then we went shopping, and got very distracted along the way by running into Dave's new love, Jade the gorgeous blonde pekinese with green eyes. =) It was very hard to pry them apart. What an amazing puppy! Then it was home for showers and ready for the surprise. In order to celebrate the 19th anniversary of junior prom, I planned to model his favorite and mine, the black dress. I was so thrilled that after that many years that I could still get that amazing dress on. It was very emotional. Then it was off to a late dinner at Takaoka and meet up with Robyn and friends at 412 for entertaining karaoke.

Sunday, we woke up slowly again, got showered and ready, and went out for breakfast at Sharon's diner. With each visit, it is getting more and more incredibly difficult to say good-bye. This time was particularly hard for me. I am looking forward already to seeing him again in Albuquerque in less than 2 weeks.

M=sharp
E=bittersweet
P=sore from the rides =)
S=searching

7 May 2008 - Day 45

What an exhausting day... I am spent. But at the same time, I am so incredibly excited about seeing Dave tomorrow, I can hardly stand it. I have been rushing around since I got back into town at 6:00 to work on all my final errands, etc. I still have much to do, but I am so mentally spent from all the furniture meetings today, I am retiring for the night. I have a feeling we may be up late for the next few nights, "soaking" it all in. hehehe

I am so thrilled to see my boys too! I think I am singing in my sleep. I feel like a giddy high school girl...isn't that ironic. =) Oh and my attorney sent me the settlement papers for my final review...isn't that ironic that Dave is coming to town on the same night one year ago that asshat moved out AND I will be sending his attorney my final papers. =) I LOVE IT! How's that for timing!

M=Exhausted
E=Elated!
P=Great!
S=Seeking

4 May 2008 - Day 42

Today turned out pretty cool. I spent the morning, running around like a chicken getting the house ready for the open house, and paint samples to Leigh Ann. Then off to the zoo we went. The weather was surprisingly much better than forecasted. It was a wonderful sunny day, cool but much warmer than expected. Although it cost me lot of money, I got all the expenses done up front, which will last all summer. The kids really enjoy the zoo so I don't mind.

So all in all, it was a nice "free" day. I did not exercise, other than walking miles around the zoo, carrying the 40 lb boy, cleaning the entire house, chasing kids through the yard, playing frisbee, teaching Tyler to roller skate, etc.

This upcoming week is going to be awesome. I am really looking forward to having Dave come to see me, the Rascal Flatts concert and sharing my surprise. =)

So I still have lots to do to get ready for the exciting week, along with the info I need to gather for the attorney...so off to work I go...whistling.

M=Slightly stressed and confused
E=Eager for Thursday, Happy
P=Tired but strong
S=Seeking

02 May 2008 - Day 40

Right now I am feeling still a little overwhelmed. I have a ton to do to... #1 get my house ready for the open house on Sunday, and #2 all the attorney shit to finalize the settlement papers (hopefully, for the last time), and #3 all the details to get organized for next week. I can hardly keep my eyes open at the moment, so I think I will be better fit to handle all these tasks if I pass out early. So with that being said, I take my notepad to bed so I can jot down all the to-do shit I have and head to bed...

M=A little stressed
E=Happy
P=Whipped
S=Searching

01 May 2008 - Day 39

What can I say....these last 2 days have been awesome! I got to see my Davy, hear one of the world's most incredible musicians, drive a porsche, and many other things phenomenal things that I don't need to blog about (if you get my drift.) =) Even if it was a really quick trip, I wouldn't have missed this experience for the world.

So with all that fun, I did get a little off my plan, especially the eating plan. But I managed to get right back on track with my workout. As soon as I got back tonight, I went to the gym to get in yesterday's upper body workout + today's cardio. So I feel pretty good, other than dehydrated from last night's drinking fest. hehehe

I am really getting pumped about Dave and my boys, Rascal Flatts coming to town next week. WOW! I can hardly stand it already. So I better try to rest my mind a little. I have lots to do.

M=Scattered and overwhelmed (lots of atty shit on my mind)

E=Elated!

P=Strong but tired

S=Seeking