13 June 2008 - Day 82

Wow! So much for making plans. Sometimes I wonder why we go through the motions. I guess for the exercise, I suppose. Today seemed to be all jacked up, but with a good end result (at least from a work standpoint.) I got to office late since I had my pre-op appointment, which went very well by the way. So very soon after I get to the office, all hell breaks loose. The contractor demands that I have both of my projects filed with the State today in order to get permits by Monday. Holy shit! That was insane. I didn't even get time to eat lunch, just had a diet coke all day. (So much for the body for life meal plan, huh.) Well to make the rest of the chaotic story short, I made it! We got both projects filed, as "half-ass" as that may be. But hey, they are done, and we have filing numbers, so the contractor can get his permits. YEAH!

So in short, that may shorten up some of my responsibilities for next week, which means the schedules may really be changing. I have so much on my plate right now, it is very hard to get organized.

So this weekend is also now out-of-whack, since Chris' grandma just passed away. So I guess we will just have to stop planning for the next few days, and see how things work themselves out. This could get interesting. Can't wait to see how this one turns out.

M=disorganized
E=eager, happy
P=good, but tired
S=not sure

12 June 2008 - Day 81

Today went pretty smooth. Started out this morning with Tyler's first therapy session, which went fine. He opened up to the therapist right away. Hopefully the sessions will help improve his level of communication and independence and god help me, the drooling.

Work was a little slow, but that was because I am waiting on the engineers who are way behind on my project, which is really holding us up. I have a feeling that Vic and the contractor are going to be pretty pissed come Monday with little progress since Wednesday's meeting, but what can I do but wait.

Time for pumishing...I didn't get to the gym today. We had an insanely busy afternoon/evening. But I am hoping to get to the gym tomorrow night after work, since we are scheduled to get more thunderstorms. My backyard is a f*@#ing swamp, which really made mowing interesting last night. I am just glad I got all the things done on my to-do list for today, which is pretty impressive. So I will be working on tomorrow's list real quick. I have a feeling that this weekend is going to fly...I have so much planned. But that is a really good thing, since I am really eager for Tuesday to get here...for some reason.

Time for more work...

M=stable
E=anticipating
P=sore thighs
S=searching

9 June 2008 - Day 78

Today seemed to pass by very quickly, which means I have a ton on my plate. It is great to be so busy at work. (Sometimes I have to keep reminding myself of that when I get stressed out.) But since next week I have a "special friend" coming to visit, I have lots left on my to-do list. Speaking of...I am getting soooooo excited about next week, I can hardly stand it. And somehow hidden in that excitement is a little bit of nervous tension about upcoming surgery. I am feeling pretty good about the procedure and very confident in my surgeon, just not too excited about all the recovery. But I know I am in good hands. Besides, I have the best boyfriend in the world who is so willing to sacrifice and come up to the wonderful midwest to take care of me. =) What could be any more perfect!

Tomorrow I have high hopes of accomplishing a lot on my list, since I will be "child-free." I will working at the office all day, then heading to the gym for a double workout. I am also kinda glad this weekend is Father's Day so I can have some alone time on Sunday to finish prepping for the busy week ahead, and all the fun of catching up on my yardwork.

M=ambitious
E=happy, eager for next week
P=tired but great
S=distracted

8 June 2008 - Day 77

Sometimes the world really surprises me...I can't believe some of the "lessons" I am faced with. It is so fucking hard, while you are buried in them to realize what there could possibly be to gain from them. I try and try to overcome, sometimes even ignore an issue, hoping it will go away, but some seem to never disappear, as much as I want them to. Those are the worst kind. I wish this phase had a "do-over." I want so badly to be through this chapter and move on to the next one. I want to be able to enjoy true happiness for me. I want to find balance in my life, to be free of this torture. But maybe the lesson is a long one...one that takes endurance to tackle. Well, tonight I am feeling very weak, which isn't really something that I am used to. I am a very strong person. It is time for rest and relaxation. Tomorrow is a new day, full of new possibilities and solutions...and lots of smiles.

Cheers!

M=frustrated
E=overwhelmed
P=weak
S=disconnected

5 June 2008 - Day 74

This morning was fantastic. I was cruising along at work, making all kinds of progress. Then I took a break for lunch to go to Jordan's end-of- the-year picnic. It was great to see her face when I surprised her. They had great weather for the event, which was nice.

When I got back to the office, the headache really started. I spent a majority of the afternoon dealing with my attorney on the phone trying to come to some "resolution" about the summer visitation schedule. And now as I look back at the whole scenario, especially after talking to Dave about the whole shitty experience, I realize things should have panned out differently. Maybe the whole lesson in this is for me to strengthen my self-confidence/assertiveness...find out what it is that Dawn Terry really wants and don't let go of what it is that I am after. To stop letting others take advantage of me, stop letting them wear me down until I give in, but grow some balls and stop at nothing until I get my happiness.

Interesting.

Now what? That is the question. I need to be able to find balance...the ultimate goal. To achieve balance seems to be a very difficult task, especially for a mother who tends to put others before herself. But how will your children respect you if you don't respect yourself? Stand.

Ah ha...Stand by Rascal Flatts. "When push comes to shove, you'll taste what you're made of..." Music does something amazing to my soul. Now let's see what Dawn is made of...

4 June 2008 - Day 73

Right now I am feeling very overwhelmed. Feels like I am running in circles, not really accomplishing anything. My body felt a little out of whack, so I decided to go ahead and do the 7-day detox program this week. I felt pretty good on Monday, readjusting on a "limited" diet, if you will. But for the last 2 days, I just can't seem to get past my headaches. They are really taking a toll on me. I would imagine they are related to the amount of stress in my life. Between unsigned divorce papers, Jordan's school decision, financial problems, work overload/disorganization, unsold house, and on top of it all...I'm about to turn 35. Holy shit! I really need to focus on one thing at a time and make time to meditate.

So for tonight, I will do just that...focus. Simply focus on quieting my mind for true rest. Then start fresh tomorrow.

M=overwhelmed
E=happy in love, and could use a big hug
P=spent
S=seeking

2 June 2008 - Day 71

Today was pretty interesting. I had a little trouble focusing at work, my head was killing me. These afternoon headaches are brutal. I am really trying to make healthy choices and kick my ass into shape before my surgery, in hopes that it will help with my recovery time. So anyway, I have been trying very hard not to have any caffeine. Man, it has been really rough today, but I made it.

Today I ate very well. I made an awesome banana smoothie for breakfast. I will have to do that more often. So I have lots to catch up on at the gym tomorrow. Plus since it is Robyn's birthday tomorrow, we are going out to see Sex and the City movie. I am pumped. So I will likely work through lunch again and head out of work in time to get a good workout in before the 7:30 movie. Can't wait. Funny thing is...I just realized that Robyn is turning 32...wow! That is crazy. Hard to believe.

So better rush off so I can get my workout in real quick before my man calls me back. See ya tomorrow.

M=struggling with the headache, but determined to focus
E=happy in love
P=little tired
S=searching

1 June 2008 - Day 70

It is hard to believe it is Day #70. In some respects, I feel very good about all that I have accomplished, and in others, I feel that I should really raise the bar for these last few weeks. In fact, even push myself to make up where I have slacked off a little. I have tons to do. So I am going to keep this blog very short and haul ass into planning my upcoming week.

So the quick recap...today was great! I had an excellent time with the kids. We went to the zoo, played outside, Tyler soaked me with the hose, finished up mowing, and had a quick, fun bike lesson with Jordan. She did fantastic! I am so proud of her. She was really balancing well today, getting much better. She is finally getting excited about learning, not so apprehensive. Plus, she gave me a huge hug before bed and said, "Mom, you are a really good teacher. Thanks! I love you, Mom."

M=Ambitious
E=Happy
P=Eager to make up for lost time, and kick ass!
S=Out of touch, but persistant to change that!