21 January 2009, Day 3

I know, I know. I skipped blogging last night. Shame on me. I was so exhausted after working on my taxes for a majority of the evening. I was too drained to blog. Not a valid excuse I know. So anyway, here I am completing my obligation to myself for today.

First of all, I feel better; like I am on the "right" path. I am making the necessary changes to improve my health, which feels good. Even when I struggle to make the better choice, ie. avoiding my much desired diet coke, I fight the headache knowing that I am creating a better me. I have been doing pretty good with the detox meal plan, trying to jump start my 12 week program and refresh after the high calorie holidays. So far, so good.

Exercise is going great. I had a great conversation with the kickboxing instructor after last night's class, so I am excited to see how that will help me improve my body shape. Realizing that I cannot change my inherited body type has been tough, but I am going to focus a little differently on the exercise routine this time around, and focus more time on the cardio. We will see how that works out.

To be quite honest, this morning was my only alone time and I still couldn't muster out of my selfishness of wanting to stay in bed enough to meditate. However, I vowed that I wasn't going to let another day go by without working on my mind. So I tried a new twist to the routine...as soon as the house was quiet and the kids were asleep, I nestled into my meditation corner to focus. I was finally able to quiet my mind, but it took the entire 15 minutes, so I wasn't able to make a new discoveries today. But I have high hopes for tomorrow. And I am really looking forward to some alone time this weekend.

M=clear
E=strong
P=feeling the energy increase again...woo hoo!
S=in progress

19 January 2009, Day 1

OMG this morning I woke up and felt very sluggish, kept snoozing the alarm. I had every intention of meditating and getting a fresh new start with program 2, but somehow sleep seemed way more important. Anyway, finally struggled out of bed, and tried to meditate, but just couldn't focus. So I went about my morning routine, and hopped into the shower. As my mind was replaying a thousand thoughts, something awesome happened. It was like a whole new cleansing. It completely opened my eyes. I found myself running back through the events of the last few weeks or so and realized where I had gone wrong. I lost focus completely. Realizing that where I am now is a result of MY decisions, that I removed my focus from my goals - strengthening of my body, mind and spirit; that I drifted into "floating" mode. That I need to follow my goals and dreams, stop letting life pass me by. I need to focus on improving my whole self.

I also recognized that I made a huge mistake when I lost direction. I began to rely too much on someone eltse being my source of happiness. When there were failures, I pointed the finger and didn't realize that the inadequacies are mine and no one else's. That my happiness starts with me. Meditation focus #1: Rediscoving my self confidence.

When life takes you down a difficult path, you look to others to make you feel better. But only to realize when you don't find what you think you need, you ultimately rediscover those who truly love you, give you exactly what you need...a mirror to show you the correct path, the reflection that gives new direction.

So for a true and honest reflection, that first I did not see, I thank you, my lover and my best friend.

M=Rejuvenated
E=Happy for rediscovery; Sad for time wasted
P=Ambitious to meet my goals
S=Looking forward to growth