I have soooo much on my mind right now, I can hardly remember which end is up. I am so excited that I get to see you in 36 hours in Fort Lauderdale for an awesome concert experience. I can't wait!!!!
Okay, Dawn, just try to focus for a few minutes...mmmm, zoom, zoom, zoom. Oh dear...do you see how quickly my mind wanders. I can't even type as fast as my mind is bouncing all over your body in my mind with anticipation. I just want to scream. Whatever is a girl to do??? I have no idea how I will possibly stand it that you will be so close to me in Indianapolis with Billy and I can't touch you. Such torture...ugh! Oh well, first things first.
TODAY. Today was pretty cool. I was super busy at work. Just started the 5th Vera store. I really needed that kind of distraction today to keep me focused on making money. My finances are starting to stress me a little, but I know everything will turn out just fine in time.
I ended up taking the kids to childcare at the gym, which worked out great! They got to exercise and I did too. I love that! I really enjoyed my workout tonight.
Well, I better get back to my to-do list. So much to do in so little time, but I have made good progress so far...the kids are packed. So now it is time to start on my packing, which theoretically shouldn't take too long since I will only be there for 27 hours. No time for sleeping this trip. =)
M=Scattered
E=Bubbling with excitement
P=Strong with a sore back
S=Searching
Monday, April 28, 2008
Sunday, April 27, 2008
27 April 2008 - Day 35
Today was rather out of control. However, I still managed to accomplish most of the items on my long to-do list. With several still to go, this blog may be short. First of all, I am really excited about seeing my special friend for an awesome quick trip to Florida for the Santana concert this upcoming week. It is hard to believe that this week is the beginning of May, month #5 of 2008. Wow, this year is flying by. But even despite all of the challenges that have come with this year so far, I am extremely happy. I have several people to thank for that, but most of all you, Dave. You are truly amazing! One thing that is so ironic is that while you were telling me what my mom was thankful for...that you have been a "lifesaver" for me...I was listening to one of the new songs from my boys called "Every Day." (The jist of the song is that every day you save my life.) How crazy is that! What is even more crazy is that as soon as I sat down to log onto the computer, that was the song I heard playing. So the first thing I did was search for it and play the youtube video. It is funny that that song has been playing over and over in my head all day...what an interesting message.
Speaking of interesting messages, this morning during meditation I had this overwhelming comforting feeling. There were several times that I felt a real unique warm feeling...kinda hard to describe. I almost felt like I was being lifted or craddled. With all the drama in my life, it was like peaceful bliss. It was awesome!
M=Sharp
E=Full of anticipation and excitement!!!
P=Strong, but eager for more change...give me a challenge
S=Connected, at peace
Speaking of interesting messages, this morning during meditation I had this overwhelming comforting feeling. There were several times that I felt a real unique warm feeling...kinda hard to describe. I almost felt like I was being lifted or craddled. With all the drama in my life, it was like peaceful bliss. It was awesome!
M=Sharp
E=Full of anticipation and excitement!!!
P=Strong, but eager for more change...give me a challenge
S=Connected, at peace
Saturday, April 26, 2008
26 April 2008 - Day 34
It was really nice to be able to wake up to your voice this morning, in a nice "comfy" bed (of course, it is nothing in comparison to THE comfy bed, which I would really like to be in at the moment), in a quiet house. It is rare that I get to enjoy a slow-moving morning, and take my time getting up. I was also able to make a nice breakfast, and get the lawn mowed for the first time this spring. And I spent some time with Dena tonight which was great! She is such a great friend, one of the special few that knows me so well. Anyway, we had a fantastic time, which included shopping, of course.
Other than yardwork, I did not get my cardio workout in, but I am scheduled for Spin class and more tomorrow. I am still doing well with the meal plan, but my meditating has fallen off track a little. So tomorrow, I plan on starting with that in a quiet house in the morning.
So although I didn't place 4th in a 22 mile race, I think today turned out pretty cool. I am getting organized with my long to-do list for tomorrow, then it will be time to rest. But for some reason, I am getting pretty excited about the upcoming week. Maybe that has something to do with the sexy pics I can't stop thinking about...on that note, time to get re-focused. Only 3-1/2 days to go. I can't wait to see you!
M=Trying to focus, but somehow distracted
E=Happy and anxious
P=Strong
S=Searching
Other than yardwork, I did not get my cardio workout in, but I am scheduled for Spin class and more tomorrow. I am still doing well with the meal plan, but my meditating has fallen off track a little. So tomorrow, I plan on starting with that in a quiet house in the morning.
So although I didn't place 4th in a 22 mile race, I think today turned out pretty cool. I am getting organized with my long to-do list for tomorrow, then it will be time to rest. But for some reason, I am getting pretty excited about the upcoming week. Maybe that has something to do with the sexy pics I can't stop thinking about...on that note, time to get re-focused. Only 3-1/2 days to go. I can't wait to see you!
M=Trying to focus, but somehow distracted
E=Happy and anxious
P=Strong
S=Searching
Friday, April 25, 2008
25 April 2008 - Day 33
Here's to today...cheers! It's Sexy Friday. Thank god. Right now I am really feeling good that this challenging week is over. I am feeling very happy at the moment that I have been able to make it through. Yes, in fact this week has been full of many accomplishments. Some that were inevitable and others that were a real stretch. For example, from where I sit now, I have been exposed to some things that were not at all fun to have to see nor experience. It is really very sad and scary at how little you can know someone; what some people are capable of downplaying or covering up. What a sick person that must be. Anyway, I have made it through computer discovery day to decision day. I am glad for once I can truly unwind and relax for the weekend. No real obligations. I can sleep in and get some of the items done that I have pushed to the back burner.
On that note, I am looking forward to a quiet weekend...maybe to enjoy some "me" time, as a reward for overcoming this crazy insane week. So again I say "cheers!"
M=Calm and relaxed
E=Relieved and happy
P=Strong yet sore
S=Searching
On that note, I am looking forward to a quiet weekend...maybe to enjoy some "me" time, as a reward for overcoming this crazy insane week. So again I say "cheers!"
M=Calm and relaxed
E=Relieved and happy
P=Strong yet sore
S=Searching
Thursday, April 24, 2008
24 April 2008 - Day 32
Today's blog will be rather short. I still have a very long list of things to accomplish for the evening and already my mind is shot. I am feeling completely overwhelmed at the moment and my body is having a hard time relaxing. So I will be brief...
Work went fine, considering it started off a little crazy with computer problems throughout the office. But it finished with some interesting furniture work in Revit, which was awesome. I am really enjoying learning that software now. I feel that it will really pay off soon. (Of course, all the distracting conversation helped the day pass quickly too.)
My mom actually helped out today and spent the entire afternoon with Jordan. That was awesome! Those times seem to be few and far between, but what a treat that was today for Jordan, and for me. =)
Eating was fine...following my plan as usual.
Other than being exhausted mentally with tough decisions to make ahead of me...things are really good. I am really hoping for a swift resolution to all this shit, of course, all in my favor.
M=Exhausted
E=Tired and stressed
P=Strong
S=Seeking direction
Work went fine, considering it started off a little crazy with computer problems throughout the office. But it finished with some interesting furniture work in Revit, which was awesome. I am really enjoying learning that software now. I feel that it will really pay off soon. (Of course, all the distracting conversation helped the day pass quickly too.)
My mom actually helped out today and spent the entire afternoon with Jordan. That was awesome! Those times seem to be few and far between, but what a treat that was today for Jordan, and for me. =)
Eating was fine...following my plan as usual.
Other than being exhausted mentally with tough decisions to make ahead of me...things are really good. I am really hoping for a swift resolution to all this shit, of course, all in my favor.
M=Exhausted
E=Tired and stressed
P=Strong
S=Seeking direction
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
23 April 2008 - Day 31
I know, I know...yesterday I was naughty and didn't blog. However, I did follow through with all the stuff I had said I would do, and for the kind of crazy day I had, that should say something. I went to work; went to the attorney's office for discovery time (which at times was mortifying); went to the gym for a very hard workout; and finished the night off with some wine. After the kinds of things I had witnessed on that computer, I was really debating whether to just head home and pass out or head to Leigh Ann's for "wine-thirty." I am kinda glad I made that choice. It really helped to relax and void those things out of my mind. I am sure that was more due to the wine than the company. hehe Plus, I am certain it had a lot to do with my late night conversation, along with the sexy pic I received. =)
In any case, the truth has been exposed and now it is time to make a decision, and move forward. I am now faced with the big decision. What to do next? How to proceed? I feel that part of me is sooo past ready for all of this shit to be over, and part of me is really struggling for the best form of revenge. I am pretty sure that comes from my determination. I don't want to "give up" until I am certain I have won. I know what you are thinking...I do know that I have won. I don't think that is the internal problem at all. I think the problem lies in the fact that I don't really know what it is that I want. I am really enjoying my time to myself, the workouts, the traveling, the love for life again. For so long I was robbed of that. And I really feel that I am experiencing life through my own eyes and enjoying every minute. So the question is...do I fight to remove more of his rites with the kids, and in turn, rob myself of freedom?
Of course, the best answer is that I do what is in the best interests of me and the kids. And that means making sure they are protected and we are all happy.
That is definitely one to mediate on. So with that, I am off to think...
M=Exhausted
E=A little overwhelmed
P=Strong and fit
S=Seeking answers/direction
In any case, the truth has been exposed and now it is time to make a decision, and move forward. I am now faced with the big decision. What to do next? How to proceed? I feel that part of me is sooo past ready for all of this shit to be over, and part of me is really struggling for the best form of revenge. I am pretty sure that comes from my determination. I don't want to "give up" until I am certain I have won. I know what you are thinking...I do know that I have won. I don't think that is the internal problem at all. I think the problem lies in the fact that I don't really know what it is that I want. I am really enjoying my time to myself, the workouts, the traveling, the love for life again. For so long I was robbed of that. And I really feel that I am experiencing life through my own eyes and enjoying every minute. So the question is...do I fight to remove more of his rites with the kids, and in turn, rob myself of freedom?
Of course, the best answer is that I do what is in the best interests of me and the kids. And that means making sure they are protected and we are all happy.
That is definitely one to mediate on. So with that, I am off to think...
M=Exhausted
E=A little overwhelmed
P=Strong and fit
S=Seeking answers/direction
Monday, April 21, 2008
21 April 2008 - Day 29
There are soooo many things running through my mind right now. It is hard to get my mind to slow down enough to write them down. My first thought is to dread what I may find on that computer tomorrow...#2 Is to hope I find all kinds of dreadful shit that I can use to fry his ass...#3 Is to take advantage of his panicking and negotiate this now to the end...#4 Is to just slow down, take my time, discover all that I can to be certain that I am making the right decision for me and my kids. So with all that swirling through my brain, I choose, for now, to slow down and enter the discovery process with the best advice in mind...that those images I find are of a past life, a version of me that no longer exists. And that person needs my help to fight and set her free.
With that being said, I am mentally spent. So I am going to workout extra hard tomorrow, which I am sure I will need to do after computer discovery class is over, followed by some wine to unwind. Meditation was interrupted this morning by persistant phone callers, but I was still able to jump back in and relax my mind. That was encouraging.
One thing I am certain of, is that at times like these, I would love to make love and pass out in the arms of the man I love right now. Sweet dreams...
M=Scattered vs. Focused
E=Exhausted
P=Strong
S=Seeking direction
With that being said, I am mentally spent. So I am going to workout extra hard tomorrow, which I am sure I will need to do after computer discovery class is over, followed by some wine to unwind. Meditation was interrupted this morning by persistant phone callers, but I was still able to jump back in and relax my mind. That was encouraging.
One thing I am certain of, is that at times like these, I would love to make love and pass out in the arms of the man I love right now. Sweet dreams...
M=Scattered vs. Focused
E=Exhausted
P=Strong
S=Seeking direction
Sunday, April 20, 2008
20 April 2008 - Day 28
Sometimes it just feels awesome to see someone eltse get what they deserve...just a little. Well, fuck that..in this case, a lot! What an incredible night of hearing someone squirm. #1...I wish I would have recorded that conversation. #2...I wish I could truly describe how I felt during that internal mind battle. It was so strange. But one thing I am certain of, is that I handled that conversation much better than I ever would have one year ago. Seeing that kind of "growth" in myself, or should I say rediscovery, is phenomenal. There were several times during that conversation that I had to simply bite my tongue. To realize that I have already won is fantastic.
Another tangent...back to the workout. Today's scheduled workout didn't actually go as planned, but I improvised perfectly. I ended up doing my upper body workout (just in case I can't get to the gym tomorrow) and the beginner spin class. I really enjoy that class. In fact, one of the goals for the week, is to get my old bike up and ready. Hopefully the weather continues to cooperate.
I totally skipped meditation today...hoping to get right back on track tomorrow morning. I know, I know...shame on me.
As a free day, I was really looking forward to eating pizza, but that didn't exactly work out. So I improvised again with the other half of my DQ buster bar. Yummy! I love sundays. =)
I am still awaiting my special Week 5 assignment....bring it on!
M=Sharp and anxious to discover what is on that computer
E=Happy and slightly vengeful
P=Strong, but a little sore
S=Disconnected
Another tangent...back to the workout. Today's scheduled workout didn't actually go as planned, but I improvised perfectly. I ended up doing my upper body workout (just in case I can't get to the gym tomorrow) and the beginner spin class. I really enjoy that class. In fact, one of the goals for the week, is to get my old bike up and ready. Hopefully the weather continues to cooperate.
I totally skipped meditation today...hoping to get right back on track tomorrow morning. I know, I know...shame on me.
As a free day, I was really looking forward to eating pizza, but that didn't exactly work out. So I improvised again with the other half of my DQ buster bar. Yummy! I love sundays. =)
I am still awaiting my special Week 5 assignment....bring it on!
M=Sharp and anxious to discover what is on that computer
E=Happy and slightly vengeful
P=Strong, but a little sore
S=Disconnected
Saturday, April 19, 2008
19 April 2008 - Day 27
I find it very interesting how people around me never cease to amaze me. Some of them truly are amazing, positive, genuine beings; while others are simply rotten to the core. The more the days and weeks go by, the more the latter seem to disgust me. I could never understand how some people could be so fake, dishonest, untrue to themselves and yet still sleep at night. What a horrible life to lead. I now have confirmed that some of them have no interest in changing. As a very wise person once told me..."if you can't change the person around you, CHANGE the person around you." How profound. So with that being said, I only choose once again to surround myself with the first group. It can only make my life more fulfilling. I know which group I am in; I have never waivered. All I can do tonight is laugh at those pathetic other souls who are lost.
Sorry, I was on a tangent...today was a little challenging after a long night of giggly girls at a sleepover, and late night chats =) I am a little beat. In fact, I took Tyler up for a nap and I fell flat asleep on the floor, while he played in his room. I guess that is an obvious sign that I need some real rest. But despite the chaotic activities, I really did enjoy my time with the kids. Jordan did a fantastic job at the Young Authors Conference this morning. What a proud moment. It really was funny to see the variety in other stories and illustrations. I especially enjoyed the ones that the parents obviously had a major part in. LOL! That only made me appreciate her even more; that she was able to handle the entire project on her own. In fact, I never even knew she had a project. How impressive!
We did manage to battle church tonight, even with all the naughty thoughts running through my mind. >:-) Only 5 more required attendences before the end of June. What was I thinking?
I am a day behind on my workouts. So I just completed the lower body workout tonight, and will be going to the gym tomorrow for cardio and then some. I am looking forward to my Sunday afternoon time alone to get some "to do" items off the list.
Only 11 days until Santana. How awesome!!!
M=Alert
E=Happy
P=Strong, but tired
S=Searching
Sorry, I was on a tangent...today was a little challenging after a long night of giggly girls at a sleepover, and late night chats =) I am a little beat. In fact, I took Tyler up for a nap and I fell flat asleep on the floor, while he played in his room. I guess that is an obvious sign that I need some real rest. But despite the chaotic activities, I really did enjoy my time with the kids. Jordan did a fantastic job at the Young Authors Conference this morning. What a proud moment. It really was funny to see the variety in other stories and illustrations. I especially enjoyed the ones that the parents obviously had a major part in. LOL! That only made me appreciate her even more; that she was able to handle the entire project on her own. In fact, I never even knew she had a project. How impressive!
We did manage to battle church tonight, even with all the naughty thoughts running through my mind. >:-) Only 5 more required attendences before the end of June. What was I thinking?
I am a day behind on my workouts. So I just completed the lower body workout tonight, and will be going to the gym tomorrow for cardio and then some. I am looking forward to my Sunday afternoon time alone to get some "to do" items off the list.
Only 11 days until Santana. How awesome!!!
M=Alert
E=Happy
P=Strong, but tired
S=Searching
Friday, April 18, 2008
18 April 2008 - Day 26
Here I sit, typing my blog while I drink a glass of wine and my boyfriend is all alone in his shower...over 1400 miles apart. What is wrong with this picture? Isn't that an interesting predictament? I feel like the more I visit him, the more I question where I really belong. Ahhhh! What is a lonely girl to do...I guess blog, then diddle, right?
Now that I have you smiling, here is a snapshot of my day...Work went awesome! I was super busy. (I love being busy. I would rather be swamped and productive, than slow any day.) I had a last minute deadline pop up, and I completed the entire assignment without any issues, and ahead of schedule. Plus, that helped make the day fly by, which I really need in order to get to the last day of the month sooner. =)
I did, however, get some "bad" news. I found out that Jordan did not get into the montessori school, which both she and I are really bummed about. Well, I shouldn't say it's a complete "no", but the chances are not good. She is on the waiting list as #12. That is not great. So now I have another dilemna. What to do about her schooling?
Other than that, the day was pretty cool. I am looking forward to a fun weekend with my kids and hopefully some outdoor time, since the weather has been ideal. I am definitely looking forward to next week, since I will get to discover some interesting things on the ex's computer. I am a little anxious for the process, but focusing on taking a new perspective. As a very special friend reminded me...that the content on that computer is not me, but a past life. Thanks for the tip of encouragement. xoxox
M=Alert and focused
E=Lonely, horny and loved
P=Good and strong
S=Searching
Now that I have you smiling, here is a snapshot of my day...Work went awesome! I was super busy. (I love being busy. I would rather be swamped and productive, than slow any day.) I had a last minute deadline pop up, and I completed the entire assignment without any issues, and ahead of schedule. Plus, that helped make the day fly by, which I really need in order to get to the last day of the month sooner. =)
I did, however, get some "bad" news. I found out that Jordan did not get into the montessori school, which both she and I are really bummed about. Well, I shouldn't say it's a complete "no", but the chances are not good. She is on the waiting list as #12. That is not great. So now I have another dilemna. What to do about her schooling?
Other than that, the day was pretty cool. I am looking forward to a fun weekend with my kids and hopefully some outdoor time, since the weather has been ideal. I am definitely looking forward to next week, since I will get to discover some interesting things on the ex's computer. I am a little anxious for the process, but focusing on taking a new perspective. As a very special friend reminded me...that the content on that computer is not me, but a past life. Thanks for the tip of encouragement. xoxox
M=Alert and focused
E=Lonely, horny and loved
P=Good and strong
S=Searching
Thursday, April 17, 2008
17 April 2008 - Day 25
Today was an incredibly insane day. Work was a huge challenge. I just couldn't seem to stay focused. I was really struggling with tension headaches all day. Then mid afternoon, the answer I had been waiting for arrived. Finally a decision from the judge. At least now, there would be forward progress. A little panic tried to settle in, but then I received some incredible supportive advice. That advice I now carry with me. When I stopped to listen to the words, I realized just how amazing that advice was. But more importantly, what I was truly capable of...viewing challenges from a new perspective.
So even as today the "gloves are off" and the "fight" has begun, I see that I have already won. I have the freedom I have been seeking for years...I have found me. Others only win when you allow it. What an incredible journey. One of heartache, challenges, growth, and change. But most importantly...freedom.
To those "special friends" that have helped me in my path to rediscovery...I owe you all the love and thanks I have in me. Especially to those who know me better than I know myself. Cheers!
M=Spent
E=Happy, positive
P=Strong
S=At peace
So even as today the "gloves are off" and the "fight" has begun, I see that I have already won. I have the freedom I have been seeking for years...I have found me. Others only win when you allow it. What an incredible journey. One of heartache, challenges, growth, and change. But most importantly...freedom.
To those "special friends" that have helped me in my path to rediscovery...I owe you all the love and thanks I have in me. Especially to those who know me better than I know myself. Cheers!
M=Spent
E=Happy, positive
P=Strong
S=At peace
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
16 April 2008 - Day 24
For being Week #4, I am really liking the results I am seeing; not necessarily on the scale, but in the mirror. The workouts have been going very well. I feel like I have more energy. I am definitely more excited about working out, in general. I enjoy cooking the recipes from the cookbook. I find myself making much better choices for me and my family, which is great!
I have really been rediscovering myself throughout this entire process, along with challenging myself to step out of my comfort zone. I am awaiting more challenges, and looking forward to more progression.
M=Stressed but good.
E=Happy
P=Strong
S=Searching
I have really been rediscovering myself throughout this entire process, along with challenging myself to step out of my comfort zone. I am awaiting more challenges, and looking forward to more progression.
M=Stressed but good.
E=Happy
P=Strong
S=Searching
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
15 April 2008 - Day 23
I had a great workout tonight. I feel fantastic. I doubled up by doing both today's cardio and yesterday's lower body workout. I am just bubbling with excitement about what I discovered tonight. I just hope that I can keep it a secret until May. =)
Realizing that what I need is a new perspective that is so fresh in my mind that I am able to overcome the drama that is dealt in my life. So much so that when I am stressed and overwhelmed, I can immediately let it "fall off my back."
M=Stressed and exhausted, but good
E=Fantastic!!!! Excited!!!!
P=Whipped
S=(overslept, so missed meditation...back on track tomorrow)
Realizing that what I need is a new perspective that is so fresh in my mind that I am able to overcome the drama that is dealt in my life. So much so that when I am stressed and overwhelmed, I can immediately let it "fall off my back."
M=Stressed and exhausted, but good
E=Fantastic!!!! Excited!!!!
P=Whipped
S=(overslept, so missed meditation...back on track tomorrow)
Monday, April 14, 2008
14 April 2008 - Day 22
The start of week 4...wow, I am a little behind. But I will be back on track. Tuesday, I will get right back in my routine.
With that being said, this weekend was absolutely fantastic!!!! I had soooo much fun on our 3 state adventure. I developed a whole new awareness for other amazing cultures, explored new places, smiled so much my cheeks hurt, laughed, captured some incredible moments on film, made some unbelievable new friendships, but above all...rediscovered some of the greatest joys in life are just that...LIVING. Being active. Getting involved. Living out the adventures, instead of watching others have all the fun.
For helping me live life, Dave, I give you all the credit. For seeing in me what was forgotten for so long, I thank you! You are absolutely amazing! I love everything about you. I love that you make me see life, see me, from a whole new perspective. A perspective that was lost, but not any more. For making me want to be a better me, THANK YOU!!!! Thank you for everything.
xoxox
M=Completely focused
E=Phenomenally happy (but also frustrated...geography is making me cah-ray-zee!!!!)
P=Strong
S=Refreshed
With that being said, this weekend was absolutely fantastic!!!! I had soooo much fun on our 3 state adventure. I developed a whole new awareness for other amazing cultures, explored new places, smiled so much my cheeks hurt, laughed, captured some incredible moments on film, made some unbelievable new friendships, but above all...rediscovered some of the greatest joys in life are just that...LIVING. Being active. Getting involved. Living out the adventures, instead of watching others have all the fun.
For helping me live life, Dave, I give you all the credit. For seeing in me what was forgotten for so long, I thank you! You are absolutely amazing! I love everything about you. I love that you make me see life, see me, from a whole new perspective. A perspective that was lost, but not any more. For making me want to be a better me, THANK YOU!!!! Thank you for everything.
xoxox
M=Completely focused
E=Phenomenally happy (but also frustrated...geography is making me cah-ray-zee!!!!)
P=Strong
S=Refreshed
Thursday, April 10, 2008
10 April 2008 - Day 18
I can't even begin to get my mind on track to write this blog. I am just too excited about my weekend adventure. I thought this may provide me the therapy I need to calm down and try to get some sleep, but I am not so sure about that theory. The night before I get to ABQ is always way too exciting. Shit, who am I kidding? Although Albuquerque is awesome, I really think it is related to you. I don't think it matters at all where we are. =)
So to try to recap...the morning was a little nuts, but that's not unusual. Jordan had a really hard time getting ready this morning, so she really pressed my buttons. But I did stand my ground, which is definitely progress. I stuck to my guns and followed through. Meditation was a little scattered. I really tried, but the anticipation of the weekend kept creeping in. =)
The work day went pretty quick, considering I spent some of the day talking to friends, shopping online, and learning the new software, Revit (which is really starting to excite me. This can really open some doors for me if I make a point to stick with it...what an awesome tool. I can't wait to show you.)
I can't wait to see if you notice any change in my body. Tonight I had a realization about a particular part, I can't wait to see if you notice or if it's just my imagination. Also, can't wait for you to see something on me...something I just found from 1990. =)
OMG... I am just soooo excited, I can hardly stand it. I had better try to meditate, just to see if that helps to relax my body too. WOW! 14 hours and counting....
M=Alert
E=Overwhelmed with excitement and anticipation
P=Wide awake and strong
S=Distracted, but searching
Can't wait to see you...xoxox
So to try to recap...the morning was a little nuts, but that's not unusual. Jordan had a really hard time getting ready this morning, so she really pressed my buttons. But I did stand my ground, which is definitely progress. I stuck to my guns and followed through. Meditation was a little scattered. I really tried, but the anticipation of the weekend kept creeping in. =)
The work day went pretty quick, considering I spent some of the day talking to friends, shopping online, and learning the new software, Revit (which is really starting to excite me. This can really open some doors for me if I make a point to stick with it...what an awesome tool. I can't wait to show you.)
I can't wait to see if you notice any change in my body. Tonight I had a realization about a particular part, I can't wait to see if you notice or if it's just my imagination. Also, can't wait for you to see something on me...something I just found from 1990. =)
OMG... I am just soooo excited, I can hardly stand it. I had better try to meditate, just to see if that helps to relax my body too. WOW! 14 hours and counting....
M=Alert
E=Overwhelmed with excitement and anticipation
P=Wide awake and strong
S=Distracted, but searching
Can't wait to see you...xoxox
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
09 April 2008 - Day 17
This morning started off a little panicky. So much to do in so little time. Not to mention, I am a little distracted with all the excitement of the adventure getting closer. The best part of Wednesday mornings is that I do not have the monkeys to rush me around and deadlines to get to school on time, so I get a little extra "me" time to sleep in a little, relax in the shower, and maybe even cook a nice breakfast. So I really tried to focus for meditation, but I couldn't seem to quiet my mind this morning. Then the stress of the long to-do list kept re-playing in my mind. I wish I could turn that off easier, but I guess that is where the training comes into play.
Work was a little nuts, since I am learning the new software. But the end result, I think, will be pretty amazing! I hope that it will allow me to be more marketable as well. Being able to brush up on my drafting skills is definitely something I want to do. It is one of the things that I need to rebuild my confidence level in. I guess that is why I choose to put the creativity pics on my dream board. Plus, I just love Candice Olson. Divine Design rocks! I think she is part of the reason I am getting more and more interested in residential design.
Anyway, I am slightly out of rhythm on my 6 meal plan today. That is pretty typical for me when I am under a lot of stress, is to "forget" to eat. However, I feel great. I had yoga again tonight. What a challenge this class was. We really worked our backs today, which is definitely an area of my body I need to rebuild strength. Then I went to the gym for my quick lower body workout. I am starting to feel some change in my body, little by little. =)
M=Challenged
E=Crazy with anticipation
P=Strong
S=Distracted
Work was a little nuts, since I am learning the new software. But the end result, I think, will be pretty amazing! I hope that it will allow me to be more marketable as well. Being able to brush up on my drafting skills is definitely something I want to do. It is one of the things that I need to rebuild my confidence level in. I guess that is why I choose to put the creativity pics on my dream board. Plus, I just love Candice Olson. Divine Design rocks! I think she is part of the reason I am getting more and more interested in residential design.
Anyway, I am slightly out of rhythm on my 6 meal plan today. That is pretty typical for me when I am under a lot of stress, is to "forget" to eat. However, I feel great. I had yoga again tonight. What a challenge this class was. We really worked our backs today, which is definitely an area of my body I need to rebuild strength. Then I went to the gym for my quick lower body workout. I am starting to feel some change in my body, little by little. =)
M=Challenged
E=Crazy with anticipation
P=Strong
S=Distracted
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
08 April 2008 - Day 16
Wow! I am just soo excited about the date, and ultimately THE date. This weekend is going to be sooooo awesome! It is really hard for me to concentrate, but having said that...here it goes. Today was a little challenging in the morning. With two kids a little "under the weather", it sure makes for some extra fun. The morning routine was a little off, so I have been scurrying all day to make up for "lost" time. The work day was rather challenging with trying to learn the new drafting software. After about 3 hours of working with Tony, he decided the task that was planned for me was a little too ambitious. So we scaled things back. Thank god, since I was already distracted enough with the upcoming weekend adventures inching closer and closer.
Immediately after work, I started racing through my to-do list to prep for the trip. Then it was off to exercise. I really worked out hard. Since it was cardio day, I pushed myself on the elliptical machine for 30 minutes, and the stationary bike for 24 minutes. I am whipped, but ironically full of energy.
I have eaten great today; 3 meals and 2 snacks. I am starting to feel more "balance" in my life which is perfect! Mind, body and soul are beginning to really work together.
M=Alert and motivated, slightly distracted =)
E=Bouncing off the walls with excitement and anticipation
P=Strong, but sore. I have a feeling my legs are going to be rough in the morning =)
S=Open
Immediately after work, I started racing through my to-do list to prep for the trip. Then it was off to exercise. I really worked out hard. Since it was cardio day, I pushed myself on the elliptical machine for 30 minutes, and the stationary bike for 24 minutes. I am whipped, but ironically full of energy.
I have eaten great today; 3 meals and 2 snacks. I am starting to feel more "balance" in my life which is perfect! Mind, body and soul are beginning to really work together.
M=Alert and motivated, slightly distracted =)
E=Bouncing off the walls with excitement and anticipation
P=Strong, but sore. I have a feeling my legs are going to be rough in the morning =)
S=Open
Monday, April 7, 2008
A day late...assignment complete
This was an intense exercise for me. Partly because it challenges me to really think about myself, something that is a little difficult sometimes for me. I seem to easily fit into my many other hats, but taking time to really think about myself is unusually challenging. But with that said, I really enjoyed exploring "my" world of short and long term goals.
What a great exercise! Thanks for taking me, once again, outside my box.
Thoughts welcomed.
What a great exercise! Thanks for taking me, once again, outside my box.
Thoughts welcomed.
07 April 2008 - Day 15
Spending the day at home today with a sick child, I had high hopes of accomplishing a lot; maybe a little too much. But as life has taught me, I ain't settling for anything less than everything. I would much rather expect the best, than just settle for mediocre. So as my new philosophy, I was demanding nothing less than that. With a long list ahead of me, and progress appearing to be slow, I realized I better take a new approach. So as soon as I did just that, the results were dramatically different.
Instead of focusing on all I had to do, I took the focus away from me for a while, and things changed. Things turned around, attitudes improved, and we all accomplished more as a family. We all exercised at the same time, just not in the same place, giving each of us the freedom and space we needed.
This morning's meditation was changed slightly since Tyler had fallen asleep in my bed after taking his medicine. But it was a pleasant change. I was able to relax my mind relatively quickly and connect with nature first, which really seems to help me.
All in all, it was a great day. I am looking forward to tomorrow, with more improvements within every day.
M=Sharp, ambitious
E=Pumped with excitement
P=Feel great, strong, and full of energy
S=Searching
Instead of focusing on all I had to do, I took the focus away from me for a while, and things changed. Things turned around, attitudes improved, and we all accomplished more as a family. We all exercised at the same time, just not in the same place, giving each of us the freedom and space we needed.
This morning's meditation was changed slightly since Tyler had fallen asleep in my bed after taking his medicine. But it was a pleasant change. I was able to relax my mind relatively quickly and connect with nature first, which really seems to help me.
All in all, it was a great day. I am looking forward to tomorrow, with more improvements within every day.
M=Sharp, ambitious
E=Pumped with excitement
P=Feel great, strong, and full of energy
S=Searching
Sunday, April 6, 2008
06 April 2008 - Day 14
Wow, its already the end of the second week. Time has really flown by. I have noticed that life's little obstacles, can really try to divert your energy. Which is all the more reason to really stayed focused on the task at hand. And that task is to see a real change in me and my family, through me, for the better.
So with that in mind, I am looking forward to healthy kids this week, and miracle vitamins to keep me good and healthy for the upcoming adventures for the exciting weekend in the southwest. Thank god its time to getaway!
M=Scattered, but working on organization (hoping tomorrow off work will help me to readjust my plan and re-focus)
E=Happy, anticipating my upcoming weekend getaway
P=Tired, wish I would have worked out today, even though its my "free" day
S=Searching
So with that in mind, I am looking forward to healthy kids this week, and miracle vitamins to keep me good and healthy for the upcoming adventures for the exciting weekend in the southwest. Thank god its time to getaway!
M=Scattered, but working on organization (hoping tomorrow off work will help me to readjust my plan and re-focus)
E=Happy, anticipating my upcoming weekend getaway
P=Tired, wish I would have worked out today, even though its my "free" day
S=Searching
Saturday, April 5, 2008
05 April 2008 - Day 13
It was Day 2 at the indoor waterpark - Spring Break weekend getaway. I was pretty exhausted since I probably only slept 2 consecutive hours. Tyler was just miserable with a high fever, but thank god he slept all the way home. I think that sure helped. Wish I would have had a nap, but the weather was excellent. It was 62 outside by the time we got home this afternoon, so I am sure the fresh air did everyone some good. We spent about 2-1/2 hours outside playing, which was great family exercise.
So I just finished my dance aerobic workout, now blogging, so I thought I would try to meditate now before bed, and see how my body, mind and soul cooperate this late in the day. Its werth a shot. Wish me luck...feel free to call me anytime. I always sleep better when I hear your voice.
M=Scattered
E=Happy
P=Whipped
S=Ready
So I just finished my dance aerobic workout, now blogging, so I thought I would try to meditate now before bed, and see how my body, mind and soul cooperate this late in the day. Its werth a shot. Wish me luck...feel free to call me anytime. I always sleep better when I hear your voice.
M=Scattered
E=Happy
P=Whipped
S=Ready
04 April 2008 - Day 12
It was a crazy day...the morning threw my schedule for a loop. Tyler woke up very cranky with a high fever. Of course, this all happens on the day we leave for our weekend trip to the indoor waterpark. So needless to say, I did not get my morning meditation in. In fact, I was lucky to get myself showered, seeing how "out-of-sorts" he was. But we stopped our plans and took him to the doctor to check him out. The doctor said he must have some type of virus, but throat, lungs, ears were all clear; which was good news. So the plans moved forward, just a little later than scheduled.
So to make the rest of the long story short, the waterpark was awesome! We all had a blast, and got really soaked. After I finally got Tyler to crash for the night, I took off for the fitness room for my scheduled workout. Having the "huge" gym to myself was kinda nice. I just wish the hotel would have had more equipment. I had planned to meditate after my workout, but I kept getting interrupted by young teenagers snooping around. And later my dad had to interrupt me, since no one could manage to calm Tyler down when he woke up.
I am definitely hoping to hop right back on track in the morning, even if I have to get up and meditate, then go back to bed until the kids get up. hahaha (I am a little determined, can you tell?)
M=Foggy
E=Happy
P=Strong
S=Disconnected but determined to make a change
So to make the rest of the long story short, the waterpark was awesome! We all had a blast, and got really soaked. After I finally got Tyler to crash for the night, I took off for the fitness room for my scheduled workout. Having the "huge" gym to myself was kinda nice. I just wish the hotel would have had more equipment. I had planned to meditate after my workout, but I kept getting interrupted by young teenagers snooping around. And later my dad had to interrupt me, since no one could manage to calm Tyler down when he woke up.
I am definitely hoping to hop right back on track in the morning, even if I have to get up and meditate, then go back to bed until the kids get up. hahaha (I am a little determined, can you tell?)
M=Foggy
E=Happy
P=Strong
S=Disconnected but determined to make a change
Thursday, April 3, 2008
03 April 2008 - Day 11
Today went pretty well. I started the morning routine a little chaotic and pinched for time but still managed to take time to meditate. However it seemed to be more difficult for me to try to relax this morning that the past few days. I think I am stressing a little.
I got to the office, had a morning meeting with a rep introducing a new product, then a planned luncheon. So the morning hours flew right by, which was awesome. I was supposed to be starting the first day of chaotic brain-heavy training on the new software, but there was some miscommunication (which never seems to happen in my office at all, not ever.) So I was struggling to find something to keep me busy. So my mind started to fill in on coming up with great things to use on my visual dream board. When I started to get some good ideas, then I got interrupted by someone needing my help. One task turned into many, which kept me tied up the rest of the day.
My eating plan was a little screwed up today, too. I couldn't figure out why I still felt hungry after eating dinner. Then I realized it was because I had skipped a meal. That sure threw me off.
Exercise was awesome. I do wish that I would have had time to workout at the gym on the bike and do my cardio, but doing my taebo video is fun.
M=Stressed
E=Happy
P=Very sore, tired, but feeling a change for the better =)
S=Searching
I got to the office, had a morning meeting with a rep introducing a new product, then a planned luncheon. So the morning hours flew right by, which was awesome. I was supposed to be starting the first day of chaotic brain-heavy training on the new software, but there was some miscommunication (which never seems to happen in my office at all, not ever.) So I was struggling to find something to keep me busy. So my mind started to fill in on coming up with great things to use on my visual dream board. When I started to get some good ideas, then I got interrupted by someone needing my help. One task turned into many, which kept me tied up the rest of the day.
My eating plan was a little screwed up today, too. I couldn't figure out why I still felt hungry after eating dinner. Then I realized it was because I had skipped a meal. That sure threw me off.
Exercise was awesome. I do wish that I would have had time to workout at the gym on the bike and do my cardio, but doing my taebo video is fun.
M=Stressed
E=Happy
P=Very sore, tired, but feeling a change for the better =)
S=Searching
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
02 April 2008 - Day 10
Beyond everything, it is kinda hard to think and type tonight, since my body is sooooo sore. I have been working very hard, which is great. I feel really good and strong...but ultimately very sore. I am even in pain as we speak, especially the triceps (worse on the right tricep). I guess we know where I need to work and get stronger, huh? In any case, today was great. I had my second yoga class, which I really enjoy. There seems to be a good balance between strengthening exercises for the body and the mind. Today's class really pushed my lower back. (And since I worked it really hard at the gym Monday, it is screaming at me tonight too.) I wish I could remember more of the names of the poses and such...mental note: refresh each day and cross-reference with my yoga book. Challenges for my brain as well. I am meeting more people, which is also a priority on my list. Today I met Linda and Lisa. I now see a pattern...lots of "L" names in that class. It sure is a diverse group of people.
Tonight was pretty exhausting, between running late on the schedule due to yoga...and still trying to accomplish my long list of "to do's", it may be a while before I can slow down. Tomorrow may be a little more challenging, since I get to start working with Tony on my new software training. I will need lots of protein to keep the brain functioning tomorrow.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot. It is crazy when you stop to breathe, and take time to become more aware of your surroundings, what kinds of things fall into your lap. I was at work, grabbing something I printed off the copier, when I noticed a new magazine in my co-worker's mailslot. I was intrigued by the cover photo, then quickly got sucked into the article. Funny how that works...so easily distracted. In any case, I became engulfed in the story about the architect that designed this new church. The photo on the cover was amazing; very creative use of natural light. So I flip right to the cover story and begin reading. To make the long story short, I learned all kinds of things about eco-theology. What a interesting philosophy. If for nothing more, it allowed me to realize that I was making a real impact on my mind; by allowing myself to really see things from a new, more open perspective. That felt very refreshing. Does that make any sense?
M=Stimulated
E=Happy, excited
P=Aching pain, but good
S=Searching
Tonight was pretty exhausting, between running late on the schedule due to yoga...and still trying to accomplish my long list of "to do's", it may be a while before I can slow down. Tomorrow may be a little more challenging, since I get to start working with Tony on my new software training. I will need lots of protein to keep the brain functioning tomorrow.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot. It is crazy when you stop to breathe, and take time to become more aware of your surroundings, what kinds of things fall into your lap. I was at work, grabbing something I printed off the copier, when I noticed a new magazine in my co-worker's mailslot. I was intrigued by the cover photo, then quickly got sucked into the article. Funny how that works...so easily distracted. In any case, I became engulfed in the story about the architect that designed this new church. The photo on the cover was amazing; very creative use of natural light. So I flip right to the cover story and begin reading. To make the long story short, I learned all kinds of things about eco-theology. What a interesting philosophy. If for nothing more, it allowed me to realize that I was making a real impact on my mind; by allowing myself to really see things from a new, more open perspective. That felt very refreshing. Does that make any sense?
M=Stimulated
E=Happy, excited
P=Aching pain, but good
S=Searching
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
01 April 2008 - Day 9
I just realized something...I used to get done with my daily routine, and it was a real struggle to have enough energy to keep my body going and convinced to finish my nightly workout video. Today, I was looking forward to exercising. So much, that it drove me to keep motivated and looking ahead. That is sure different. What a nice change. It is absolutely amazing how much more energy I have.
The other discovery is about how much I enjoy cooking; especially trying all the great recipes from the cookbook. It has become a new routine to check out and plan what recipes I want to try the night before. Then begin cooking away, after I finish the rest of the night-time routines. I always have some great healthy food ready to eat. Which prevents those nasty panic stops on the way home from work with "starving" children. All these healthy choices are ready to go. What a great turn-around!
This morning's meditation went pretty well. I seemed to be guided toward a new perspective/vantage point. So each time I felt myself leaning a particular direction, especially when I noticed that something was bothering or flustering me, I stopped to re-evaluate. It gave me a new perspective. It was great to feel that overwhelming calmness from slowing down my emotional reactions with relaxed approach. Both times I remember starting to get upset about a scenario, I resolved the issue internally and felt much more "in control" and satisfied with the outcome. Does that make sense?
All in all, a fantastic day! Boy, am I sure sore though. Wow! What a workout!
M=Sharp
E=Pumped and excited
P=Very sore, but feeling great!
S=Searching and discovering
The other discovery is about how much I enjoy cooking; especially trying all the great recipes from the cookbook. It has become a new routine to check out and plan what recipes I want to try the night before. Then begin cooking away, after I finish the rest of the night-time routines. I always have some great healthy food ready to eat. Which prevents those nasty panic stops on the way home from work with "starving" children. All these healthy choices are ready to go. What a great turn-around!
This morning's meditation went pretty well. I seemed to be guided toward a new perspective/vantage point. So each time I felt myself leaning a particular direction, especially when I noticed that something was bothering or flustering me, I stopped to re-evaluate. It gave me a new perspective. It was great to feel that overwhelming calmness from slowing down my emotional reactions with relaxed approach. Both times I remember starting to get upset about a scenario, I resolved the issue internally and felt much more "in control" and satisfied with the outcome. Does that make sense?
All in all, a fantastic day! Boy, am I sure sore though. Wow! What a workout!
M=Sharp
E=Pumped and excited
P=Very sore, but feeling great!
S=Searching and discovering
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