I know, I know. I skipped blogging last night. Shame on me. I was so exhausted after working on my taxes for a majority of the evening. I was too drained to blog. Not a valid excuse I know. So anyway, here I am completing my obligation to myself for today.
First of all, I feel better; like I am on the "right" path. I am making the necessary changes to improve my health, which feels good. Even when I struggle to make the better choice, ie. avoiding my much desired diet coke, I fight the headache knowing that I am creating a better me. I have been doing pretty good with the detox meal plan, trying to jump start my 12 week program and refresh after the high calorie holidays. So far, so good.
Exercise is going great. I had a great conversation with the kickboxing instructor after last night's class, so I am excited to see how that will help me improve my body shape. Realizing that I cannot change my inherited body type has been tough, but I am going to focus a little differently on the exercise routine this time around, and focus more time on the cardio. We will see how that works out.
To be quite honest, this morning was my only alone time and I still couldn't muster out of my selfishness of wanting to stay in bed enough to meditate. However, I vowed that I wasn't going to let another day go by without working on my mind. So I tried a new twist to the routine...as soon as the house was quiet and the kids were asleep, I nestled into my meditation corner to focus. I was finally able to quiet my mind, but it took the entire 15 minutes, so I wasn't able to make a new discoveries today. But I have high hopes for tomorrow. And I am really looking forward to some alone time this weekend.
M=clear
E=strong
P=feeling the energy increase again...woo hoo!
S=in progress
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
19 January 2009, Day 1
OMG this morning I woke up and felt very sluggish, kept snoozing the alarm. I had every intention of meditating and getting a fresh new start with program 2, but somehow sleep seemed way more important. Anyway, finally struggled out of bed, and tried to meditate, but just couldn't focus. So I went about my morning routine, and hopped into the shower. As my mind was replaying a thousand thoughts, something awesome happened. It was like a whole new cleansing. It completely opened my eyes. I found myself running back through the events of the last few weeks or so and realized where I had gone wrong. I lost focus completely. Realizing that where I am now is a result of MY decisions, that I removed my focus from my goals - strengthening of my body, mind and spirit; that I drifted into "floating" mode. That I need to follow my goals and dreams, stop letting life pass me by. I need to focus on improving my whole self.
I also recognized that I made a huge mistake when I lost direction. I began to rely too much on someone eltse being my source of happiness. When there were failures, I pointed the finger and didn't realize that the inadequacies are mine and no one else's. That my happiness starts with me. Meditation focus #1: Rediscoving my self confidence.
When life takes you down a difficult path, you look to others to make you feel better. But only to realize when you don't find what you think you need, you ultimately rediscover those who truly love you, give you exactly what you need...a mirror to show you the correct path, the reflection that gives new direction.
So for a true and honest reflection, that first I did not see, I thank you, my lover and my best friend.
M=Rejuvenated
E=Happy for rediscovery; Sad for time wasted
P=Ambitious to meet my goals
S=Looking forward to growth
I also recognized that I made a huge mistake when I lost direction. I began to rely too much on someone eltse being my source of happiness. When there were failures, I pointed the finger and didn't realize that the inadequacies are mine and no one else's. That my happiness starts with me. Meditation focus #1: Rediscoving my self confidence.
When life takes you down a difficult path, you look to others to make you feel better. But only to realize when you don't find what you think you need, you ultimately rediscover those who truly love you, give you exactly what you need...a mirror to show you the correct path, the reflection that gives new direction.
So for a true and honest reflection, that first I did not see, I thank you, my lover and my best friend.
M=Rejuvenated
E=Happy for rediscovery; Sad for time wasted
P=Ambitious to meet my goals
S=Looking forward to growth
Friday, June 13, 2008
13 June 2008 - Day 82
Wow! So much for making plans. Sometimes I wonder why we go through the motions. I guess for the exercise, I suppose. Today seemed to be all jacked up, but with a good end result (at least from a work standpoint.) I got to office late since I had my pre-op appointment, which went very well by the way. So very soon after I get to the office, all hell breaks loose. The contractor demands that I have both of my projects filed with the State today in order to get permits by Monday. Holy shit! That was insane. I didn't even get time to eat lunch, just had a diet coke all day. (So much for the body for life meal plan, huh.) Well to make the rest of the chaotic story short, I made it! We got both projects filed, as "half-ass" as that may be. But hey, they are done, and we have filing numbers, so the contractor can get his permits. YEAH!
So in short, that may shorten up some of my responsibilities for next week, which means the schedules may really be changing. I have so much on my plate right now, it is very hard to get organized.
So this weekend is also now out-of-whack, since Chris' grandma just passed away. So I guess we will just have to stop planning for the next few days, and see how things work themselves out. This could get interesting. Can't wait to see how this one turns out.
M=disorganized
E=eager, happy
P=good, but tired
S=not sure
So in short, that may shorten up some of my responsibilities for next week, which means the schedules may really be changing. I have so much on my plate right now, it is very hard to get organized.
So this weekend is also now out-of-whack, since Chris' grandma just passed away. So I guess we will just have to stop planning for the next few days, and see how things work themselves out. This could get interesting. Can't wait to see how this one turns out.
M=disorganized
E=eager, happy
P=good, but tired
S=not sure
Thursday, June 12, 2008
12 June 2008 - Day 81
Today went pretty smooth. Started out this morning with Tyler's first therapy session, which went fine. He opened up to the therapist right away. Hopefully the sessions will help improve his level of communication and independence and god help me, the drooling.
Work was a little slow, but that was because I am waiting on the engineers who are way behind on my project, which is really holding us up. I have a feeling that Vic and the contractor are going to be pretty pissed come Monday with little progress since Wednesday's meeting, but what can I do but wait.
Time for pumishing...I didn't get to the gym today. We had an insanely busy afternoon/evening. But I am hoping to get to the gym tomorrow night after work, since we are scheduled to get more thunderstorms. My backyard is a f*@#ing swamp, which really made mowing interesting last night. I am just glad I got all the things done on my to-do list for today, which is pretty impressive. So I will be working on tomorrow's list real quick. I have a feeling that this weekend is going to fly...I have so much planned. But that is a really good thing, since I am really eager for Tuesday to get here...for some reason.
Time for more work...
M=stable
E=anticipating
P=sore thighs
S=searching
Work was a little slow, but that was because I am waiting on the engineers who are way behind on my project, which is really holding us up. I have a feeling that Vic and the contractor are going to be pretty pissed come Monday with little progress since Wednesday's meeting, but what can I do but wait.
Time for pumishing...I didn't get to the gym today. We had an insanely busy afternoon/evening. But I am hoping to get to the gym tomorrow night after work, since we are scheduled to get more thunderstorms. My backyard is a f*@#ing swamp, which really made mowing interesting last night. I am just glad I got all the things done on my to-do list for today, which is pretty impressive. So I will be working on tomorrow's list real quick. I have a feeling that this weekend is going to fly...I have so much planned. But that is a really good thing, since I am really eager for Tuesday to get here...for some reason.
Time for more work...
M=stable
E=anticipating
P=sore thighs
S=searching
Monday, June 9, 2008
9 June 2008 - Day 78
Today seemed to pass by very quickly, which means I have a ton on my plate. It is great to be so busy at work. (Sometimes I have to keep reminding myself of that when I get stressed out.) But since next week I have a "special friend" coming to visit, I have lots left on my to-do list. Speaking of...I am getting soooooo excited about next week, I can hardly stand it. And somehow hidden in that excitement is a little bit of nervous tension about upcoming surgery. I am feeling pretty good about the procedure and very confident in my surgeon, just not too excited about all the recovery. But I know I am in good hands. Besides, I have the best boyfriend in the world who is so willing to sacrifice and come up to the wonderful midwest to take care of me. =) What could be any more perfect!
Tomorrow I have high hopes of accomplishing a lot on my list, since I will be "child-free." I will working at the office all day, then heading to the gym for a double workout. I am also kinda glad this weekend is Father's Day so I can have some alone time on Sunday to finish prepping for the busy week ahead, and all the fun of catching up on my yardwork.
M=ambitious
E=happy, eager for next week
P=tired but great
S=distracted
Tomorrow I have high hopes of accomplishing a lot on my list, since I will be "child-free." I will working at the office all day, then heading to the gym for a double workout. I am also kinda glad this weekend is Father's Day so I can have some alone time on Sunday to finish prepping for the busy week ahead, and all the fun of catching up on my yardwork.
M=ambitious
E=happy, eager for next week
P=tired but great
S=distracted
Sunday, June 8, 2008
8 June 2008 - Day 77
Sometimes the world really surprises me...I can't believe some of the "lessons" I am faced with. It is so fucking hard, while you are buried in them to realize what there could possibly be to gain from them. I try and try to overcome, sometimes even ignore an issue, hoping it will go away, but some seem to never disappear, as much as I want them to. Those are the worst kind. I wish this phase had a "do-over." I want so badly to be through this chapter and move on to the next one. I want to be able to enjoy true happiness for me. I want to find balance in my life, to be free of this torture. But maybe the lesson is a long one...one that takes endurance to tackle. Well, tonight I am feeling very weak, which isn't really something that I am used to. I am a very strong person. It is time for rest and relaxation. Tomorrow is a new day, full of new possibilities and solutions...and lots of smiles.
Cheers!
M=frustrated
E=overwhelmed
P=weak
S=disconnected
Cheers!
M=frustrated
E=overwhelmed
P=weak
S=disconnected
Thursday, June 5, 2008
5 June 2008 - Day 74
This morning was fantastic. I was cruising along at work, making all kinds of progress. Then I took a break for lunch to go to Jordan's end-of- the-year picnic. It was great to see her face when I surprised her. They had great weather for the event, which was nice.
When I got back to the office, the headache really started. I spent a majority of the afternoon dealing with my attorney on the phone trying to come to some "resolution" about the summer visitation schedule. And now as I look back at the whole scenario, especially after talking to Dave about the whole shitty experience, I realize things should have panned out differently. Maybe the whole lesson in this is for me to strengthen my self-confidence/assertiveness...find out what it is that Dawn Terry really wants and don't let go of what it is that I am after. To stop letting others take advantage of me, stop letting them wear me down until I give in, but grow some balls and stop at nothing until I get my happiness.
Interesting.
Now what? That is the question. I need to be able to find balance...the ultimate goal. To achieve balance seems to be a very difficult task, especially for a mother who tends to put others before herself. But how will your children respect you if you don't respect yourself? Stand.
Ah ha...Stand by Rascal Flatts. "When push comes to shove, you'll taste what you're made of..." Music does something amazing to my soul. Now let's see what Dawn is made of...
When I got back to the office, the headache really started. I spent a majority of the afternoon dealing with my attorney on the phone trying to come to some "resolution" about the summer visitation schedule. And now as I look back at the whole scenario, especially after talking to Dave about the whole shitty experience, I realize things should have panned out differently. Maybe the whole lesson in this is for me to strengthen my self-confidence/assertiveness...find out what it is that Dawn Terry really wants and don't let go of what it is that I am after. To stop letting others take advantage of me, stop letting them wear me down until I give in, but grow some balls and stop at nothing until I get my happiness.
Interesting.
Now what? That is the question. I need to be able to find balance...the ultimate goal. To achieve balance seems to be a very difficult task, especially for a mother who tends to put others before herself. But how will your children respect you if you don't respect yourself? Stand.
Ah ha...Stand by Rascal Flatts. "When push comes to shove, you'll taste what you're made of..." Music does something amazing to my soul. Now let's see what Dawn is made of...
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